Who Cares!

I can’t say that I procrastinated and I can’t say that I didn’t have the energy. I wanted to talk about this subject for so long but every time I went to put my thoughts on paper, I ended up frustrated with a bunch of incomplete thoughts. Years ago, I went through an experience and expressed my thoughts publicly, saying this: “Truthfully, we all did some crazy sh*t we never thought we'd do. More importantly, I'm not ashamed and I appreciate my past. It was and will forever be an EX-ample. It’s usually people who know the least or care the least about a situation that for some reason have the most to say. It would be great if we all focused on mastering ourselves rather than wasting time gossiping, passing judgment, and betraying people behind their backs.” For a while, I struggled with people bringing up my past mistakes. I also fought with the powerlessness I felt when people would see me the way I used to be instead of the seeing me for the woman I was growing into. You can’t stop people from putting more emphasis on your mistakes instead of your triumphs~ they must come to that conclusion in their own time, even if in their own time is never at all.  I used to question myself: “Why do I care so much about what others think of me?”

After a couple of Bible studies, countless nights of praying, multiple thoughts on sticky notes, and confirmation from a valued friend, the answer became clear. I care about people because I was trained to be emotional and not practical, therefore, I have more space for compassion than hatred... I don’t want anything bad for anyone... I am an admirer of love... and I expect the same in return. While I am no expert about this subject, I just found a few things that helped minimize the emotion attached to this reoccurring thought. 1. I became more practical and less emotional.

(Personality Type: ENFJ-A started focusing on my virtues) 2. I removed myself from people who spoke ill of me or judged me.

(Toxic people defy logic/Set boundaries) 3. I started reading more.

(Opened up my mind & heart)

It was evident that if I could accept my past (mistakes and all) and not use them to torture myself, then NOBODY can torture me with them! After realizing this, mastering Number 1 became so easy. I understood more clearly that when you feel like your emotions are reaching the level where you may say something you might regret, it’s time to detach and disengage.

See, I had to go through it, grow through it, and get over it in order to fully understand certain things. There's only so much you can do. It's not worth wearing yourself out trying to make someone like or appreciate you. You have the power to choose to focus on what you want instead of what you’ve gone through in the past. You can also choose where you want to put your focus. What you decide to do right now will have a much larger influence on where you are going to be tomorrow once you stop giving your past power over your life.  Today is a new day and you are a reNEWed person every day in Christ. What happened in the past is in the past and can’t be changed. Any dis-empowering stories or negativity directed at you (even from you, yourself) should stay in the past. You have the power to create new habits! One day at a time!

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